Wholeness Before Friendships by Damie Oguntolu

“Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared”.
– Proverbs 22:24-25 NIV

Before we can talk about friendships, we must focus on one person, because when you have two people the story gets a little more complicated.

Friendship requires two whole people to function, two people who love themselves and still
have enough love to bring more people into their circle, they do not need others to feel accepted or loved.

These two whole people are not insecure, they do not need validation from another person to feel accepted, they have joy flowing from their hearts.

To be whole is to feel worthy and to feel connected to yourself and God, because those who are not whole hurt people, and we know it is true what they say, hurt people, hurt people.

When you are whole you are okay, and your assurance is in God.

I was at a point in my life where I was broken and I would go about carrying that hurt and spreading it to everyone around me, especially when they had contrary opinions to mine.

You know when you have been hurt by others and that in a way plagues your belief in people, that was me, I lost complete trust in any person, I found it hard to believe in anything and I even started to doubt Gods promises for me, I was so broken, and I became lonely.

I needed help, I needed to let it go, I needed to trust again to love again because no one can help me, I could not find the connection I sought after in anyone.

In a friendship relationship, if one party is whole and the other is insecure, broken, always needy, and dependent, the whole person will try to do her best but in the long run, she will get weary.

You do not have to talk to your friend every day for her to know you love her, you do not have to see each other all the time to feel connected.

As a whole friend, you know that you’re okay no matter what, whether your friend is on a trip, out with friends, working late, or even angry with you. You’re good, as you are, on your own, and you don’t need anything else.

This might be you today, you have been hurt, maybe as a child, by a colleague, by your parents, or a friend and you cannot seem to let it go, you feel insecure and unaccepted therefore you need validation from someone.

If you are hoping to find comfort from another friend or in people, you would end up hurting them or wearing them out and they would leave. Instead, recognize your fears and worries, and take them to God.

The bible says, in Matthew 11:28-29 (TPT), “Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden? Come to me. I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis. Simply join your life with mine. Learn my ways and you’ll discover that I’m gentle, humble, easy to please. You will find refreshment and rest in me.”

Brokenness is made right by God alone. Healing always comes from Him, not from anyone else. If you’ve been hurt, the person who hurt you can’t fix you, and neither can another person who seems to have it all figured out or material things.

Today, take out time to acknowledge and write out any fears, insecurities, and brokenness that you experience and take it to the Lord in prayer.

Prayer Moment

• Father, I thank You for Your word to me today.

• I acknowledge that I have been bent in my ways, not trusting you to help me from this weariness that I feel

• I ask Father, that you have mercy on me and that your healing life-giving hands rest upon me and flow through the depth of my soul, cleansing, purifying, and restoring me to wholeness in Jesus

• Thank You for your ending love and your commitment to be always with me and strengthen me.

Think Over it
What is God saying to me today?